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What It Really Means To Be A Friend
By: DON NEWTON

I was talking with a member through e-mail recently, and he had some questions that I think deserve being answered. He was kind of skeptical at first to join IIMA. I understand that completely. Our culture has systematically desensitized us to the point where we trust nobody, and nothing, unless it is shown to us in black and white.

The stigma that we place on belief in something, be it God, the government, or the possibility that the dog might come back, has set us up for failure in our personal, and interpersonal relationships. I don't mean to get all scientific on ya', but this key distrust pervades our society, and I think you will all agree if you give it some thought.

You see, BELIEF is a by-product of TRUST. If there is no trust, then you cannot expect belief to follow.

I know, how in the heck will this help me sell my CD? Right? Well let me tell you, in a roundabout way so you'll keep reading.

Belief, at it's heart, implies that you feel a kinship with the subject of the belief. (stick with me) You CANNOT believe in something that you do not know is true, or that you have not experienced for yourself. This brings us into the realm of FAITH, which is a totally different subject, and one that I am not qualified to delve into. So therefore, in order to have BELIEF, you must first have TRUST. Or, you trust that what you see, is what you get, because you have experienced it. Get it?

I'm confused, how about you?

So how do you build trust? I'm glad that you asked, and I'll tell you, but it's absolutely the opposite of what you think I'm going to say (whatever that is).

Number 1. People trust people they know. People trust their friends. People trust their families.

Number 2.. People do not trust - Strangers, Salesmen, Politicians, Policemen (strange huh?), or anybody else they DO NOT KNOW. They certainly do not trust that which is entirely foreign to them, whatever it may be. The "familiarity" must be bred before the trust is established.

How can you use this information? I honestly don't know.

No, seriously, I'll tell you.

Think about the last time you went into a department store, say JC PENNYS. Did someone approach you? Did they say "Can I help you find something?", and did you say "NO thanks, I'm just looking"? I see every hand raised. You didn’t know that person did you? What if it had been a friend that just happened to be working at JC PENNYS? Would you talk to them then? Case closed, and you agree with me. I knew it.

Now 17% of the population will buy something just because it's new and they have never seen it before. These are the "sucker born every day" variety. I apologize if you fall into that category, but facts are facts. If you run into one of these people, please sell them the Brooklyn Bridge, or Ocean Front property in Arizona. These people will buy ANYTHING! They are the ones you see at WAL MART in the checkout lane grabbing a handful of those $4.99 flashlights, or the STAR magazine, so they can see who's doing who in star-land this week.

These people do not need any help buying from you. Don't even bother.

The other 83% require a little smooth-talking. But not the old "50% off if you buy today only" type of help. What I'm talking about is the smooth-call.

Smooth-call, is a poker term. Basically, when you have a hand, a good one, you want to let everyone else think they have you beat. This way, when the betting comes around to you on the end, the other players HAVE TO CALL, because they already have all their money in the pot, and there's nothing left for them to do.

In a way, you want to let your customer "talk themselves into it". That way, when it comes time to seal the deal, they've already been sold, by the person they TRUST MOST IN THIS WORLD. Themselves.

See how I tied all that together?

Now, how do you use it to your advantage? Simple. Give your customer a choice, and let THEM DECIDE.

EXAMPLE1. "Would you like Tea, or Coffee?"

EXAMPLE2. "Would you like me to list your link in our links section, or our PARTNER's section? Just so you know, our PARTNER's section gets about 200% more traffic, and If you are looking for exposure that would be the way to go. But whatever you decide is fine with me."

Who could say no to that? Actually, ‘no’ isn’t even one of the possible answers to the question is it?

People love to think they are in control of the moment, even though they are being bombarded by messages left and right trying to get them to do this or that, buy this or that. The way you are going to beat that stigma, is to do, talk, act, and BE different than everyone else.

This will set you apart, and make people notice you. And when they see you are different, the TRUST will begin to form...

And you will BE their friend. But don’t abuse it, because it’s real.

Don Newton

Don Newton is the President and Founder of the Independent Internet Musician's Association. A life long musician, producer, and self taught internet marketing expert, he now spends his time educating musicians and other music industry professionals about how best to promote their business on the web. Don can be reached at: Don@iimusica.com, the IIMA website is located at http://www.iimusica.com Free Band Promotion
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